This is me being raw, real and authentic with you. If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen and read these posts. They certainly look much prettier there.
This is all a part of the healing journey. I have been so closed up for basically my whole life. Never trusting that my feelings and thoughts would be validated. Not thinking that what I had to say was worth saying. Keeping everything hidden within me. Well this year my Spirit team is pushing me through and guiding me to in showing YOU the real authentic me. It takes a great deal of courage to VOICE these thoughts and feeling out into the world. However Spirit encourages me to be real, raw and authentic with YOU.
By sharing my truths as I call them- I heal in the process and HOPEFULLY someone reading them will find meaning, understanding and know they are not ALONE. Life isn’t all rainbows + butterflies.
Thank you for reading – The posts are newest to oldest. So read them from top to bottom or bottom to top
Read the article here: •••http://www.rearfront.com/childhood-emotional-abuse-as-adults/
So I’m going through my access 3-day body class information and I’m reading about weight and the body so it says••whatever you are receiving that you don’t want to receive you will store has fat cells in your body you are holding on to it instead of just receiving it and letting it move on through. Is this how you make your body dense enough to believe that you’re a human? •••••and I just came to the realization I started to gain/hoard weight when I met Ken and Kens family…. so I came to the realization today! that my whole life up until like 24 when I met Ken I had never known what it was like to truly receive and like extreme kindness and gratitude and like hugs and affection and just like that loving energy from anyone my whole life so when I met Ken and Ken’s family I began to hoard it in my body to let all this that I have been denied up until this point so I know it says that whatever you are receiving that you don’t want to receive you will store has fat cells in your body well that makes sense it’s a fact of not feeling for my whole life like I was never worthy of love and I’d never felt like a self-love for myself I never knew who I was and so there’s probably a part of me that didn’t want to receive this love and a part that wanted to hoard onto it for later … that was being given to me cuz I didn’t know what it was exactly +I didn’t think I was probably deserving of it and probably didn’t want to receive it in case it went away and I didn’t have that anymore …. holy sh*tballs what a great realization….••Clearing statement from 3 day Body Class manual 2015 @drglennarice[@accessconsciousness tool… to read about the meaning of the clearing statement goto: www.theclearingstatement.com ] ••••Where have you (i) misapplied and misidentified receiving as hoarding, holding onto and planning for the future? Everything that is times a god zillion will you destroy a un create it all? right +wrong good + bad, all nine, pod POC, shorts, boys and Beyonds. ••••
I haven’t been doing a lot of access stuff lately + haven’t done any body processes on myself in months until today I thought to look through my manual and see what my body was requiring”
— Joy Rachelle via. Instagram June 15 2017
One of my truths.Part of my story*
All of these posts about moms being your forever friend + your best friend + always there for you will get me thinking….no no no…its not ALWAYS like that..because that’s society’s belief is that you should have a mom who is like that you should have a mom daughter relationship that is like that and the truth is that’s bulls**t not all mother-daughter relationships are like that or feel like that and that’s a lie that we buy into.. we buy into these lies that your mom=mom + daughters relationship should be one of like forever friendship + caring and whatnot + when you see that + you don’t have that then you begin to question why? why! why? isn’t my relationship like that why is my relationship with my mother so hard why did I grow up not liking my mom + never knowing her for me + why do I feel like my mom was never there for me + she never cared why do I feel like I’m more of an adult in this relationship than she is? why why did my mom and my relationship with my mom always make me feel bad about myself + make me feel bad about my family + that’s the truth that Society needs to hear is that hey not all relationships with your mom are going to be like this yes it’s wonderful for the people who have that kind of relationship with their mom but it’s also okay + that there’s also nothing wrong with you because you don’t have that kind of relationship with your mother however I do pray one day the day that I am blessed with children That if I do have a daughter that I will be a great mom and that I want to be her best friend + I want to be the type of mom that I never had I want to be the type of parent that I never had … maybe that’s my lesson it’s my lesson in life is to strive to be better strive to be better than where I came from strive to be better than what I experienced growing up with what I was given has a child and that just makes me want to spread further into the world because when I was growing up I never felt I never knew what it was like to be accepted + to be loved + I want to spread that message to the world that you deserve to be loved, you deserve to have love for yourself and deserve love from other people and above all else you deserve to know what it’s like to feel loved and to spread that love and to spread that joy to the World”
— Joy Rachelle- Instagram June 10 2017
The truth is we all have a story to tell …there are aspects of our lives that are learning points for other people.. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out my self-worth that I am worth something in that I’m worth a lot and that I do have gifts that I am talented and I am good at what I do… you see I was brought up in a home where I was always told that I wasn’t good enough and when I aspired for my dreams I was told you can’t do that like you can’t you can’t if you do that then you know like what if you get hurt or like then you’re self-employed you see when I was 18 I wanted to be a horse trainer and my friend had gone to school to be a horse trainer and got trained by this person and they were giving out some discounted tuition spots for training and I was thinking about going for that and I was it was like a wall was put up in front of me by my dad and my family and it was you can’t do that you can’t do that……….and you see my whole life I had been trying to win people’s approval; anyone’s approval I just wanted to fit in; I wanted to fit in with my family and I wanted to fit in with other people who could be my friends so I was never me and I never knew who exactly I was until you know I’m in my thirties and I’m just finally discovering who I am who I be and it’s been a long journey especially of finding self worth and knowing love and finding love and actually truly knowing what love is and how love can change everything same with being at peace being at peace with what happened in the past because there’s nothing that I can do to change that I can’t go back and relive my childhood I can’t go back and relive my should have would have could have and my only if only I had done this if only I had done this we can’t live in the past we have to move forward we are gifted with today and we are gifted with tomorrow which is the future and we are gifted with having our own choice having a choice to always follow in the negative or to finally see the light and to step in and embrace and guide your life… I spent many years in the dark I spent many years in negativity but I wasn’t always like that growing up even in my haste of trying to fit in and trying to be loved and approved by other people I was always a glass-half-full kind of a girl and I’m not sure when that stopped and I started to become the girl who was always the glass is half empty and I was like that for many years ….. but that’s also the battle you face when you suffer from depression your whole life and when you’re an empath which I didn’t realize I was until last year until then i didn’t know what the heck it truly meant to be an empath i had just thought an empath with sensitive but I didn’t know the logistics of what being an empath entailed…and when I discovered I was… my whole life, , my emotions etc started to make even more sense…And now I am building my self worth and learning to stand in my power. And I am here to tell you dear one… That you matter! You are loved! And above all else you should learn to love yourself…. the good parts and parts you consider your bad side. We are not all saints. But how can you expect to have others love you if you can’t look in the mirror and love your self back. So stop asking why people love you…. embrace it… And use the reasons why others love you to return that same love to yourself. You deserve it.”
— Joy Rachelle- Instagram post from June 6 2017
Getting emotional selling my saddle + saddle stand tomorrow. It is a saddle I got when my good one was stolen…. only used a few times.
Been sitting in the garage for over a year. Max passed over a year ago. I felt like I was ready to let it go. But now that it’s actually happening all of these emotions are coming up with it. The reality that it will be gone. This is another reminder that he is gone, that I no longer have a horse and dont know when or if I’ll ever have one again. It’s sad. But I know someone else can use it + I don’t need to hold onto it. I will hold onto a few pieces like his bridles + bites. And The 2 sets of leather reins my dad got for me.
Thats the thing about holding onto to *things* it no longer serves me. It actually just reminds me when I see it of how my good saddle was stolen + how at the time this was the only saddle I could afford.
Looking at decluttering + getting rid of more things That no longer serve me. I was brought up with the mind set….. I might need it 1 day. ..I paid xx amount for it… so why pay xx amount again when I need it again because I got rid of i? But doesn’t it just became a sort of baggage. …taking up room/ space …just not physically but energetically or emotionally as well.
Everything has an energy attached to it. If you have a junk drawer? How does it make you feel when you see it? Or do have something your holding onto because so and so gave it to you and you said you’d keep it. But In truth maybe the person who gave it to you…doesn’t have good memories attached to it. So everytime you see it it reminds you of that bad feeling/memery. Then get rid of it. I am working on this have been for a while. I like to hold onto things. However in holding onto them I’m essentially drowning in it all.
I’ve realized …. they are just things these possessions we have….These materialistic things.
They don’t define you.
There not who you are.
If you lost everything tomorrow. .. you’d still be YOU + have LOVE. Love from your partner + family + friends. That’s what matters…LOVE…. and health is a bonus too
So now I require the money + they serve to bring in money by finding new homes. After posting this I immediately see from @hayhouseaustralia the card from Archangel Haniel- honor your feelings. …. thank you spirit ”